Ladies, Let’s Talk About Cash

I often wonder whether it was the rich or the poor who first gave money a bad name.

The rich would have reason to do so because they want to remain rich. Thus, pooh-poohing money would make it seem less enticing for those who might have the resources and/or the wherewithal to take it from them. The poor might deny money’s appeal because they don’t have it – a simple case of denying what you really want.

Of course, it’s all BS. There’s a line I’ll never forget from cult ’90s film classic “Reality Bites” where Winona Ryder very snidely says to Ethan Hawke, “Oh, but what’s money to an artist? To a philosopher? It’s just green-colored paper that floats in and out of his life like snow!” She was basically calling him an immature idiot, and I agree. People need money. Period. What you do with it and how you live with it, is something else.

TIME writer Charlotte Alter penned a piece this week titled “This Is What Women Would Do If They Were Paid the Same As Men.” Being a fan of cash and all the freedom and access it provides, I was all over it like a Spring 2014 Valentino dress.

The article’s first line of text? The pay gap amounts to $431,000 over a lifetime…*crickets chirping as my head slowly shakes in shocked awe of how incredibly unfair that it.*

Luckily for us women, President Obama is on the case. He signed executive orders to make it easier for female federal contractors to get equal pay, and he’s pushing Congress to pass the Paycheck Fairness Act. Unfortunately for us, the Paycheck Fairness Act died in the senate soon after without a single Republican vote. Sigh.

It’s always baffled me why women aren’t paid the same as men. I mean, logically I know why. Those who have want to keep having and not just the cash, but the control that goes along with it. But here’s the thing. If women were paid their rightful salaries, the Twitterverse suggests they wouldn’t be out there plotting revolutions, slapping men into irons and taking over stuff. They’d simply be out and about making things better. Check the hashtag:

#WithoutTheWageGapIWould not be working my 5th minimum wage job in a row with predominately female coworkers. – @BrennaME

#WithoutTheWageGapIWould not need TANF for my son. You want single moms to “stop relying on the government?” Pay us our fair share! – @TheBurningBra

#WithoutTheWageGapIWould women in domestic violence situations would be in better financial stability to escape w/ kids #equalpayday2014@StegoSarahs

Besides, it’s more expensive to be a woman. We actually should be paid more than men because women have more daily expenses – often because of men – and that’s without children. As Alter’s article proved, women likely wouldn’t use their pay equity to stage a coup – although if we did I’d be on the media front lines gleefully reporting the whole thing – we’d pump it right back into the economy.

“Cash rules everything around me, get the money, dollar dollar bill y’all.” – Wu Tang, C.R.E.A.M